High conflict personalities and accompanying cognitive distortions of one or more parties may exacerbate conflict in many disputes. Further, personality disorders are frequent among parties involved in regular and/or protracted disputes and litigation.
Bill Eddy, who was a therapist before becoming a lawyer, has proposed a “High Conflict Personality” theory or “HPC Theory” that high-conflict people (HCPs) have a pattern of high-conflict behavior that increases conflict rather than reducing or resolving it. Often having a personal history of abuse or disrupted early-childhood relationships, a HCPs pattern of behavior usually happens repeatedly over the person’s life in many different situations with many different people and often includes all-or-nothing thinking, unmanaged emotions, extreme behaviors and blaming others.
Eddy states that HCPs are constantly in distress and unaware of the negative, self-defeating effects of their own behavior. Further, Eddy states that those who become HCPs often also have personality disorders or some “traits” of a personality disorder. A personality disorder is a long-term dysfunctional pattern of thinking, feeling and behaving that affects many areas of a person’s life. Only a recognized mental health professional can diagnose a personality disorder, some of which include borderline, narcissistic, antisocial and histrionic.
Eddy states that HCPs and people with personality disorders share three key characteristics:
- They lack self-awareness, especially of the effects of their own interpersonal behavior on others;
- They don’t change their behavior, even when receiving repeated negative feedback; and
- They “externalize” responsibility for problems in life, blaming forces beyond themselves.
Eddy recommends a “Private Working Theory” that someone may be an HCP. Rather than labeling such an individual or assuming the theory is correct, when negotiating you can employ the “working theory” with the following interventions to attempt to reduce the conflict and reach resolution:
- connecting or bonding with the HCP with empathy, attention and respect;
- structuring the negotiation around tasks and avoiding reacting to emotions or “taking the bait”;
- reality testing so you don’t believe everything you are told, but also don’t assume the HCP is lying because they may honestly believe inaccurate information; and
- educating the HCP about consequences, as HCPs are often caught up in the moment and cannot see the risks and/or consequences ahead.
Barbara Jo Fidler has presented a useful framework for identifying and managing personality disordered parties, with suggested interventions:
Borderline | Narcissistic | Antisocial | Histrionic |
Unconscious Drive | ㅤ | ㅤ | ㅤ |
Fear of being abandoned | Fear of being inferior | Fear of being dominated | Fear of Being Neglected |
Constant Over-Compensating Behaviors | ㅤ | ㅤ | ㅤ |
Frequent anger, manipulation, efforts to control others | Self-absorbed, bragging shows distain for others | Dominating, manipulating, controlling, deceiving | Attention-seeking, drama, emotionalism |
Bonding | ㅤ | ㅤ | ㅤ |
Reassurance, arms-length, consistency, avoid excessive flattery | Recognize strengths, avoid confronting weaknesses | Be wary of false charm, allegations about others | Empathy with person, not dramatics |
Structure | ㅤ | ㅤ | ㅤ |
Provide security with clear relationship boundaries | Provide tasks, use strengths, share credit for successes | Avoid doing favours, focus on goals and good behavior | Keep focusing on tasks, encourage use of own skills |
Reality Testing | ㅤ | ㅤ | ㅤ |
Avoid great expectations, avoid jumping to conclusions | Reduce expectations of easy success and need to be special | Expect lying, corroborate information, see consequences | Find out about real abilities, encourage self-sufficiency |
Consequences | ㅤ | ㅤ | ㅤ |
Skills training in regulating emotions, penalties for false statements | Cognitive therapy, penalties for false statements | Group program for abusers, penalties for false statements | Cognitive therapy, penalties for false statements |
When your “working theory” is a party you are negotiating with has a HCP or personality disorder, you should build in as many structural safeguards into the negotiation as possible to disengage the parties, lower the level of conflict to the extent possible and remember it’s only your own behavior that you can control.
Nicole Garton is president and co-founder of Heritage Trust.
Recognized by Best Lawyers in Canada for trusts and estates and family law, she previously chaired the Canadian Bar Association Wills and Trusts Subsection (Vancouver).
Contact Nicole by email or phone at (778) 742-5005 x216.
Heritage Trust is a leading non-deposit taking financial institution, regulated by the BC Financial Services Authority (BCFSA), a government agency of the Province of British Columbia. Heritage Trust offers caring and professional executor, trustee, power of attorney, committee, escrow and family office services to BC resident clients.
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